I was so anxious today that I was trying to fill out a form for my cat’s vet appointment and wrote a 3 backwards
it felt right but once it was written I was like no this definitely does not seem right
I feel like I’m already falling behind even tho I literally just moved here :/ but at least I called the spine center about my back and had a doctors appointment for something bothering me for months and I have another one next week too
still don’t have a therapist… which might explain why I’m so fucking depressed… but today I kinda feel like actually being nice to myself for once???
I went to this light festival thing with my bf this last weekend and we walked for maybe like 2.5 hours at most and the next day my body hurt soooo bad 😭😭😭 even 3 days later I’m still sore
I wish my stupid back condition didn’t do this :/
at least I tried it tho, I’m glad I did. it was a fun experience and I’m glad to know I CAN do it… I just have to suffer the consequences the next few days 😂
it’s still so foggy and it’s 11:15 am!!! usually the fog disappears by maybe like 9 am at the latest but it’s still soooo foggy :) it’s less foggy than an hour ago but I might take a walk for once after I eat!!!
I really don’t know what happened, I was doing fantastic at the end of 2020 and the start of 2021
I guess I had a shit job at a terrible place and it broke me down so much I felt terrible about myself and everything
somehow I picked myself back up a little, but things just didn’t keep improving and started falling back down and now I feel like the good feelings I had a year ago are unattainable
I’ve been feeling super weird too like I had a migraine for 6 days straight, I’ve been having these weird episodes where I’m lightheaded/dizzy/don’t feel like reality is right/etc but I know it’s not low blood sugar or dehydration, and I had a full-body rash allergic reaction to something two days in a row and I have no idea what??
that doesn’t even include my regular chronic pain that seems a lot worse than usual too
it’s like I know I should be doing more to prevent myself from getting more depressed but I just can’t find it in me to do anything I might enjoy. I just don’t want to take care of myself. I don’t want to do anything besides lay in bed. I’ve been trying to be okay-ish because I don’t want to make my bf sad or scare him but it’s really hard to even put in the effort to act like I’m not horribly depressed
not to be dramatic but I am terribly depressed after moving states to be home with my parents and not seeing a therapist for 3.5 weeks. I feel completely empty, when I do feel happy I just feel guilty about it, I feel so inadequate and terrible, and when I think of doing anything I need to do I have a panic attack
so things are going great for me this year !!!!!!!!!!
we made it home!!! 😄😄😄
me, hunched over sitting on the kitchen floor, eating macaroni in my empty apartment I’m supposed to be cleaning:
my bf’s mom who just walked in: WHAT are you doing?????
I went by the hotel room and dropped my kitty off and I know she’s gonna be fine there but I’ve been away from her for nearly 3 hours 🥺
she was also locked in rooms alone most of the day except when I spent time with her
oh no and she needs her pain medication!!!
guess I’ll go back and sleep and then clean in the morning…
trying to decide if I should clean my whole apartment now, and wake up at 6 am after staying up super late??
or should I get some sleep now, wake up at 6 am, and try to clean??
we have to drive a lot tomorrow so I don’t wanna exhaust them from them cleaning in the morning but I also want them to have enough sleep so they aren’t tired for the drive…
ALSO my apartment is basically all packed, we just gotta clean all of it tonight and in the morning 😭 it’s not that dirty tho!
but I had help packing from my bf, his mom, his brother, my dad, and a friend! so it wasn’t so bad :)
soooooooo that kitty would not stop meowing last night, so my bf made me a little bed on the floor of the bathroom with towels (my idea 😂) and I slept in there with the kitty. he kept me up a lot, but he did get under the blanket and cuddle with me :)
he got all warm and ate some food and stuff!! his peets no longer felt weird from being in the snow for hours. but I let him back outside thinking he would go to his house?? 🥺
he didn’t, he like ran into the bush next to my apartment and met up with another like very feral looking cat?! I was like ummmm you’re definitely a pet did this feral cat like adopt you??
I was gonna see if he was still there and if so take him to the shelter to see if he was microchipped but he disappeared…
KITTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!